The History of Mother's Day — and What to Do About Grandmothers and Stepmothers

Every year on the second Sunday of May, millions of people order flowers, make brunch reservations, and debate the same quiet question: who exactly is this holiday for? The official answer is simple. The lived answer is not. Mother's Day began with one woman's campaign against exactly the kind of commercial chaos it eventually became — and along the way, the question of whom to honor grew more complicated than its founder ever intended. This guide covers the real history of the holiday, then offers specific, practical guidance on two groups that often get overlooked: grandmothers and stepmothers.

Where Mother's Day Actually Came From

The modern American Mother's Day traces directly to Anna Jarvis of Grafton, West Virginia. Her mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, had spent the Civil War years organizing "Mother's Work Clubs" — groups of women who cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the conflict, regardless of their allegiance. After Ann died in May 1905, Anna resolved to create an official day in her honor. She wrote letters to politicians, ministers, and businesspeople for years. She was relentless.

In 1908, Anna held the first official Mother's Day service at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church in Grafton — the same church where her mother had taught Sunday school. She sent 500 white carnations to be distributed to mothers in the congregation. White carnations, she said, symbolized the purity of a mother's love. Pink and red carnations, which came later, were for mothers still living; white for those who had passed.

The campaign worked. By 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making Mother's Day a national holiday, to be observed on the second Sunday of May. Anna Jarvis was present at the signing. She was 49 years old and had spent almost a decade working toward this moment.

Anna Jarvis vs. the Greeting Card Industry

What happened next troubled Anna deeply. Within a few years of Wilson's proclamation, florists, candy companies, and greeting card manufacturers had seized on the holiday as a commercial opportunity. Anna had not anticipated this. She had envisioned something personal and intimate — a handwritten letter, a visit home, a moment of genuine acknowledgment. Not a $3 card printed in a factory.

She spent the second half of her life fighting back. She sued to stop commercial use of the phrase "Mother's Day." She called the candy and flower industries "charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers and termites that would undermine with their greed one of the finest, noblest and truest movements and celebrations known." She disrupted Mother's Day gatherings organized by commercial interests. She was arrested at least once.

Anna Jarvis died in 1948, in a sanitarium, largely penniless. According to some accounts, her care was paid for by the floral industry she had spent decades attacking.

The bitter irony is not lost on those who know the story: the holiday she created to honor genuine, uncommodified love became one of the most commercially loaded days on the American calendar. And yet — here is the other truth — flowers genuinely do communicate something that a text message cannot. Anna Jarvis chose white carnations for a reason. A carefully chosen arrangement, given with intention, carries meaning. The problem she identified was never with flowers themselves; it was with the substitution of a purchased object for actual feeling.

The Commercialization Debate Today

Mother's Day remains the single largest holiday for flower sales in the United States, ahead of Valentine's Day. The National Retail Federation estimates that Americans spend over $35 billion on Mother's Day annually across gifts, dining, and experiences. Florists see a significant share of that.

Whether this would horrify Anna Jarvis or simply confirm her worst fears depends on how you look at it. The more interesting question, for most people, is not whether to participate in the holiday at all — but how to do it with some genuine thought. The answer changes when the person you are honoring is not a mother in the traditional sense, or when the relationship is complicated, or when you are not entirely sure whether acknowledging her at all is the right call.

What to Do About Grandmothers

This is usually the simpler question, and the answer is generally: yes, absolutely send flowers. Here is why it matters more than you might think.

Grandmothers are mothers. Many of them raised children who are now busy raising their own children, and Mother's Day can slip by without acknowledgment precisely because adult grandchildren assume someone else is handling it — a parent, a sibling, an aunt. The result, often, is that a woman who has been a mother for forty or fifty years receives nothing on the day that is explicitly for her.

If your grandmother is still alive, Mother's Day is one of the clearest opportunities to tell her that her decades of mothering were seen and valued. You do not need to spend a great deal. A single orchid plant, a small spring arrangement, a phone call accompanied by a flower delivery — any of these land differently than silence.

What to Send a Grandmother

Grandmothers tend to respond well to plants and arrangements that last. An orchid, particularly a phalaenopsis, can bloom for months and then rebloom with minimal care — which means every time she looks at it, she is reminded of you. A low-maintenance plant is also practical for someone who may not want to manage a weekly fresh arrangement.

For fresh arrangements, leaning toward soft colors — blush, cream, pale lavender, white — tends to feel appropriate for a grandmother who may not want a bold statement piece, though this is a generalization and some grandmothers have very strong opinions about wanting bright color. If you know her taste, trust it.

If your grandmother is no longer living, it is still worth acknowledging that loss on Mother's Day, either privately or in conversation with family members who knew her.

What to Do About Stepmothers

This is the harder question, and the answer depends almost entirely on the specific relationship rather than on a general rule. But here is a framework that helps most people navigate it.

Ask Yourself: What Is the Actual Relationship?

Stepmothers occupy an enormous range of positions in families. Some stepmothers have been the primary caregiver for a child since early childhood — they are, functionally, a mother, and treating Mother's Day as though they are not would be a meaningful omission. Other stepmothers entered the picture when the children were adults, and the relationship is warm but more like a close family friend than a parent. And there is every variation in between.

The question to ask is not "Is she technically my stepmother?" but "Has she mothered me?" If someone has shown up at school plays, driven you to the doctor, worried about you, celebrated your milestones, been present through difficult times — that is mothering, and it deserves acknowledgment on the day the culture has set aside for exactly this.

When the Relationship Is Newer or More Complicated

If your stepmother married your father more recently, or if the relationship has been complicated or tense, the calculus changes. In these cases, a small acknowledgment — a card, a simple arrangement, a brief phone call — is almost always better than nothing. It signals goodwill without overstating something that isn't fully there yet. You are not required to perform a warmth you don't feel, but a gesture of basic consideration costs little and can mean more than you expect.

The one situation where you might reasonably skip it entirely is if the relationship has been genuinely harmful or estranged, and acknowledgment would feel dishonest to both parties. In that case, it is okay not to send flowers. Mother's Day does not require you to falsify a relationship that does not exist.

Navigating Loyalty to Your Biological Mother

Many people worry that honoring a stepmother on Mother's Day feels like a slight to their biological mother. It doesn't have to be. Honoring one does not diminish the other. You can send flowers to both. You can call both. If your biological mother is sensitive about it, you don't need to announce the dual acknowledgment — you can simply act with care toward both women separately.

Anna Jarvis, for all her complicated legacy, was trying to honor a specific kind of love: the kind that shows up, that endures, that puts someone else first. That love exists in stepmothers, in grandmothers, in aunts and godmothers and chosen family members. The second Sunday of May is as good a day as any to say so.

What to Send a Stepmother

For a stepmother with whom you have a close relationship, the same logic applies as for a biological mother — choose something that reflects her taste. For a relationship that is newer or more formal, a designer's choice arrangement from a quality florist is a safe and elegant choice: it says "I thought of you and made an effort" without requiring you to know her favorite flower.

A Note on Timing

Mother's Day is one of the busiest delivery days of the year for florists in New York City. Same-day delivery is available from Alaric on Mother's Day itself, but earlier orders guarantee more flexibility in arrangement selection and delivery time. If you are planning to send to multiple women — a mother, a grandmother, and a stepmother — ordering a few days ahead removes the stress entirely.

Alaric delivers to Manhattan, Brooklyn, and select surrounding areas. If you are unsure whether your address qualifies, call the studio at (212) 308-3794 or check during checkout.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do you have to send flowers to a stepmother on Mother's Day?

No — but for most relationships, a small gesture is better than nothing. If your stepmother has been actively involved in your upbringing, ignoring Mother's Day entirely can feel like a significant omission. Even a simple arrangement or a phone call acknowledges her role. The exception is an estranged or harmful relationship, where a forced gesture may not be appropriate.

Should you include your grandmother in Mother's Day?

Yes, absolutely. Grandmothers are often overlooked because adult grandchildren assume a parent is handling it, or because the focus shifts to the next generation. A grandmother who has been a mother for decades deserves acknowledgment on Mother's Day. A plant or arrangement delivered to her home is a direct, personal way to do that.

When did Mother's Day start?

The first official Mother's Day service was held in 1908 in Grafton, West Virginia, organized by Anna Jarvis. It became a national US holiday in 1914, when President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation designating the second Sunday of May as Mother's Day.

Why did Anna Jarvis regret creating Mother's Day?

Anna Jarvis spent much of her later life trying to stop the commercialization of the holiday she had worked so hard to establish. She had envisioned something personal — a handwritten letter, a visit — not a commercial greeting card industry. She filed lawsuits, disrupted commercial Mother's Day events, and publicly denounced the flower, candy, and card industries for exploiting the holiday.

What flowers are traditional for Mother's Day?

Anna Jarvis designated the white carnation as the original Mother's Day flower — white for mothers who had passed, pink or red for living mothers. Today, spring flowers in soft tones are most associated with the holiday: peonies, garden roses, lilacs, sweet peas, and tulips. Orchids have also become a popular choice for their longevity.

What is the best flower to send a grandmother for Mother's Day?

Orchid plants are an excellent choice for grandmothers because they last for months and bloom repeatedly with minimal care. If she prefers fresh flowers, a soft spring arrangement — peonies, sweet peas, garden roses — in gentle colors tends to be very well received. The most important thing is that the gift arrives with a personal note.

Can you send Mother's Day flowers to multiple people?

Yes — and many people do. It is entirely appropriate to send flowers to a mother, stepmother, grandmother, mother-in-law, or any woman who has played a maternal role in your life. Ordering in advance makes it easier to manage multiple deliveries and ensures each arrangement is made with care.

Does Alaric deliver flowers on Mother's Day in NYC?

Yes. Alaric offers same-day flower delivery in Manhattan on Mother's Day. Delivery is also available to Brooklyn and select surrounding areas. To guarantee delivery on May 10, 2026, placing your order a few days in advance is recommended. You can order online at alaricflowers.com or call (212) 308-3794.

What is a good last-minute Mother's Day flower option in New York City?

The Designer's Choice arrangement is the best last-minute option — Lena selects the finest available seasonal blooms and creates something beautiful without requiring you to specify flowers or colors. It is available for same-day delivery in Manhattan and starts at $100.

Is it appropriate to send flowers to a stepmother if your relationship is complicated?

In most cases, yes. A modest, gracious gesture — a small arrangement or even a card — signals goodwill without overstating the relationship. You are not required to perform warmth that is not there, but a small acknowledgment rarely causes harm and sometimes opens doors. The only exception is a genuinely estranged or harmful relationship, where the gesture may feel false to both parties.